picture a youth activity. the cultural hall is dimly lit with christmas lights everywhere, hiding the basketball hoops. some muffled, unfortunate 80's music is providing a rhythm for the hard-working woman who is loudly guiding them through a 1-2-3 back-2-3 count. there are busy adults working all around and observing but the young men and women are unaware of it. i look through a crowd of dressed-up couples learning the box step, trying to spot MY girl. i see her near the front, slim and small and arm in arm with a gawky young boy. they are solemn, concentrating on their feet. she fussed over her outfit and twisted up her hair beautifully before she left and she looks just so sweet and charming. she wore a new green skirt and black tights and blouse so she would coordinate with the christmas theme. it just breaks my heart to see her in this new environment. i'm not ready for her to grow up. she sees me and smiles, and then frowns because she knows it is time to go. after a while, on the way home, she fills my ear with all the details of her first dance and the friends she sat with at dinner. even a few days later there is always something new to remember and share. i always want to remember her slender figure outlined by the lights, experiencing new things and yet still my little girl.
there is more than one reason that i am unreasonably sentimental now. while my oldest child is moving toward independence in her life, we are getting ready to welcome a new baby who will depend on me fully. how i cherish it! motherhood is such a mixture of joy and bittersweet changes. when june comes, i will be happy to have such responsible children to help me run the house and cuddle the baby. but i wish there were a way to live a day back in time with my two baby girls and remember life as it was.
