we had our valentines celebration tonight because tuesdays = busiest evening of the week. so i started cooking at 4:30 and only just sat down. i like to celebrate and holidays and birthdays are long days for me.
we made lion house rolls (by we i mean me and various children who(whom?) i pressed into service) sugar cookie dough (and later the cookies and frosting) meatballs, red sauce, spaghetti, salad. is that it? there was a lot of dish washing and juggling of counter space because i don't have a large kitchen so making rolls entails mixing it up after clearing counter space and washing up from the muffins we made for a party and were in too much of a hurry to leave to clean up, then washing the kitchen table down to roll out the rolls, then making room on the top of the dryer for the rolls to rise (it's warm and it gives me room in the kitchen to actually cook). they were worth it - those lion house rolls turn out light and homey every time.
i had a lovely table which i had nothing to do with, and a baby entertained by his sister and brother. i had various runnings to the garage (our pantry) or down the hall to fetch some other child. whoever said 'the days are long but the years are short' did not experience life as i know it. (by which i mean the days are short here. too short.)
i had a few minutes on sunday to speak to the laurels and mia maids about the joys of womanhood in my life at this time. i felt the speaker before me had a sparse and poor life with her children. she is about where i was 6 years ago. and i felt sorry for her, because she doesn't like being home with her children. she almost said she hates it. she does it because she knows it is the right thing for her family.
having 4 children 8 and under (as i did) is no picnic. but i feel (and felt) that even the overwhelming submersion into children was such an opportunity for joy.
then, as now, the majority of my time is mine to order. i decide what will be important to my family. i decide what our family culture will be. i choose the books, the activities, the values that will shape my children into their adulthood. i am never bored. there is more to do in a day than would fit in a week if i could. i relish the process of creating order from chaos. it's true. i love sorting toys! it is monotonous but strangely satisfying.
each day i look and wonder at my children, even as i fly through the hours of washing, cleaning, scolding, teaching. i marvel at their unique abilities and who they are becoming. i often end the day wishing i could have been better. but each day brings the opportunity to build a new relationship, a better way to lead, a chance to make my world what i envision. it's the ultimate power to guide these precious lives.
i of course did not say all this to the young women, but tried to impress upon them that Heavenly Father is in charge. we just have to trust him. and we have to throw everything we have into making our choices successful.
and i love being a mom. i love being married to my best friend. i love making dinner (even though i hate it) and finding a little bowl at the thrift store to light up my mantel and sorting the little clothes to find out what they need and reading 'my grandpa is a pirate' 30 kazillion times. it gives me a heartache to think how many women sell themselves short and let this time slip past them without recognizing the wonder of it all. it is so hard, but so so joyful.
